She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
