you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
