my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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