he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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