my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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