sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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