Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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