I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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