ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
