awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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