That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
