I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
