I chose taco bell over sex...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.