Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize