I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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