If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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