Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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