They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
