Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
