I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
