She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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