Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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