is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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