Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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