As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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