The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
