I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
