i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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