Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
