Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
be right there i have to get my cape
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
