Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
