She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
