the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
