Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
