i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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