you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
