so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize