there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The adults are the big ones right?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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