I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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