Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
