Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
