Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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