We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
