is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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