Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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