she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
