he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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