Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
two words: eviction party
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
