Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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