I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
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It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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