Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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