It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
