apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
