Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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