if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
