Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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