Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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