I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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