three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?