Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Princesses don't give blow jobs
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.