We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge