I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
