by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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