return my video game
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
