After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
