I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
