You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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