I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
