He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
