If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
