I'm really into asian looking animals
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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