JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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