Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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