I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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