The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
