So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
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lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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