Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize