haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.