her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
